Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Recap

Night before Christmas Eve - Did last minute shopping because of course I didn't have everything I needed and had to run around like a crazy person. I then wrapped presents until 11:30 p.m. until I gave up from being exhausted.

Christmas Eve - Took little man to work with me. I told him he was doing a good job and he said "Thanks Mommy, I really appreciate it!" He is too grown for his own good. Did the presents thing with half of the in-laws. Drank a bit of wine. Good night.

Christmas - Ran around two states after we woke up at 5:30 a.m. to do the whole Santa thing. Didn't get home until 10 p.m. Once home I had a beer and crashed. Little man got an electric guitar, easel, and tons of trucks. His favorite toy? Trucks. Not even the freaking guitar!!! That drives me insane.

Yesterday - Hit the sale at Target. Got tons of holiday stuff for next year half off. I got BEAUTIFUL silver plates that I absolutely love, holiday decor, gift bags, and let little man pick out some toys. He picked out a Cars set and a stuffed animal. Now his favorite is a stuffed animal. He has thanked me about 12 times for it and I love it. The mother-in-law and I decided to celebrate the end of Christmas with a bunch of champagne.

Today - I have to clean, my place looks like a wreck with all of the stuff we had to bring home. I have bathrooms to clean, laundry to do and grocery shopping to do. I think I may hold the grocery shopping off until tomorrow, I have some partying to do tonight. Hooray Vodka!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Janie's Got A Gun...Or Just Some Questions

Last week the hilarious Janie asked if anyone would like to participate in a Q&A, naturally I told her I was game. I like a good Q&A, makes the time go by and you get to learn a little more about someone. So without further ado, here it goes.

Janie: How would you describe a typical day in your life?

Me: I typically wake up around 5:30 to get myself and little man ready for work and school. Drop him off, go to work, pick him up, make dinner, clean, watch mindless TV then crash. Glamorous I know. On the weekends I take it easy and have people over on Sundays for football and appetizers.

Janie: What are you most grateful for?

Me: I am grateful for my fabulous hair (it truly is), my boys, Coca-Cola, chocolate covered pretzels, martinis, wine (boxed or bottled) and snow.

Janie: I notice you like the “storyteller” songwriters – what draws you to them? ( I love Lucinda Williams!)

Me: I think I am drawn that kind of songwriting because it makes you think about things more. Whether the song is about love, heartbreak, annoyances, I think it helps you relate better to the subject. One of my all time favorite songs is Those Three Days by Lucinda Williams. When she sings this song, you can hear the pain in her soul. You feel her pain with her and you just want to tell her that whoever did that to her was an asshole and that there are WAY better men out there.

Janie: Why did you start blogging?

Me: I wanted to know that I am not the only one that is stressing out for what my man says is no reason. I have so much going on in my head that I forget to write down or forget to talk about. And, I am too lazy to write in a journal. Even though I buy one every time I am in B&N because they are pretty and on sale, I never write anything but a to do list in them. And when the little man finds one laying around, a garden is mysteriously drawn on several pages.

Janie: Who do you love, and what are you doing about it?

Me: I love my man and our son. I learned never to take anything for granted, even time. I cherish every day that I have with them. If my son wants to read, then I read with him. If my man wants to take a spontaneous drive, then I go. Life isn't guaranteed. Anyone you know could go at anytime, so please just surround yourself with the people you love and don't be afraid to tell them. Even if they say you tell them to much, it's better than not telling them at all. And if vodka were a man, I might just marry him because I love him.

Janie: If there were a movie of your life, what would be the title?

Me: Hmmm, that is a good question. The mom/responsible side would be called "Not Enough Time To Do All Of This Shit So Do It Yourself: A Lesson In How To Get Your Kid To Pick Up His God Damned Socks And Stop Leaving Them In The Middle Of The Floor" and the wild side would be called "How To Have A Great Time And Not Vomit"

Janie: Tell us a neat story about that kiddo of yours.

Me: While potty training little man almost 3 years ago (he started early thank God!!!), we would not let him get off of the training potty until he did what he had to do. So to pass the time, little man would sing his heart out. One night, after a few minutes of hearing him sing, it got awfully quiet. Too quiet actually. You parents know what I am talking about. It was the quiet where you know your kid is up to know good. So my man and I go to check on him, little did we know what we would see. We opened the bathroom door and found that little man had in fact gone to the bathroom, #2 to be exact. He let us know this because he used it as finger paint on the side of the bathtub, toilet, training potty and walls. Thank goodness we had bleach because my man scooped him up to throw him in our bathtub while I cleaned up the mess. It was a horrible night. From then on he was supervised when going potty.

I hope you enjoyed this Q&A as much as I did. If you would like to participate in one, please send me an email and I will be glad to ask you some questions. And be sure to check out Janie, she is hilarious!!! I'll give you the weekend update tomorrow and I promise it won't disappoint. My son called me a "butt shaker" at the holiday party, we went for the drive through the Appalachians and the Steelers lost...until tomorrow.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Let the weekend begin...

I am officially off until Monday. Jealous? I thought so. The bad news? I am out of wine. And by out I mean out. Nada, zilch, zero.

Okay, right now I am watching LA Ink and I must say that Kat Von D is a whackadoo. She decorated Nikki Sixx's studio with fencing gear, a prosthetic leg, meat hooks, a gold spray painted baby and scissors. And guess what? He fucking LOVES it! I know Nikki is a weird dude. If you have ever read the books Heroin Diaries or The Dirt (which I highly recommend, especially if you love Intervention like I do), you know what I am talking about. But meat hooks? He saw them and said "You know, I was looking for some online the other day." Really? Who the fuck looks for meat hooks if they aren't running a butcher shop?

Anyways, my weekend has started and I have no wine. I have decided that I am not putting a tree up this year. I have decided to enjoy my weekend and not stress, even though this is the last weekend before Christmas. I am going to embrace the freedom.

So with that, my man and I are taking the boy on an off road adventure. We are going to hit a loop in the Appalachain mountains for a nice 3 hour ride. There will be a bunch of us going and there are plenty of places to stop and enjoy the scenery. Then that night we are going to a holiday party where I can get happy drunk. I hope your weekend will be stress free, may you get your shopping done and may you find some wine. I know I will.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bah Humbugh and the poor Ravens

For some reason, I am not a fan of the holidays this year. It may be because I have absolutely nothing done. I usually have our tree up the day after Thanksgiving along with all of the decorations. Ask me if I have done any of this...the answer is no. I only have the lighted garland up because it takes way less effort to do that then put up a whole tree. So since the box of decorations is open in our den, the kid has taken it upon himself to take things to decorate his room. So far he has stockings hung on his dresser, one of them is filled with pinecones and an empty candle box. He has lighted garland on top of his dresser. Garland around they door handles of his bedroom door and the closet doors. He has a wooden snowman in his window because he believes that Santa will be sure to see his friend and stop in. At least someone in the house has the holiday spirit. I have too much to get done and not enough time. Bah Humbugh.

Speaking of Bah Humbugh, I am sure that the Ravens fans are BITTER that the Steelers kicked their ass on Sunday. I personally laughed at our neighbors who earlier in the game, would come out to yell what the score was to the neighborhood. Once the Ravens started losing, they retreated into their homes and would not come out. I loved it.

One final note...if I am visibly in the middle of something, do not stand there and breathe heavily until I acknowledge you just so you can interrupt what I am doing to ask me 13,458 questions about something you have been doing longer than I have. Fuck off!!!! I do not do your job so how would I know how to do it better than you??? I need wine and it's only 10 a.m. I hate that feeling.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday funk

I am in a funk because it is after 6 on a Friday and I am just leaving work. All I have to say is a heavy handed bartender is in my future and maybe some dinner. Enjoy your weekend and Go Steelers!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Throwback Thursday

This gem is circa 1992, courtesy of the El Paso PD. Nothing like some fake rap to reach the OG's. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The quest has a speed bump

In my quest to get my rocking hot body back, I have been eating healthier and exercising more. So far I have lost 12 pounds. I am not saying this to brag about how much I have accomplished so far so don't think that. Wait. Please think that. I am bragging. Beep beep bitches, I have lost 12 pounds. Only ** more to go. So in my quest, I have hit a speed bump. In the morning I like to have some OJ before leaving the house, then a protein bar once I get to work. I have eaten protein bars for at least 10 years and I love them, though the flavors are way better now than in 1998. So I have my bar this morning around 9ish. The day moves along normally, I run an errand at lunch, eat, get back to work and resume the day.

Flash forward to 2:00.

My stomach is making so much noise my coworker can hear it in her cube. She thinks I am hungry. I am not. I have cramps so bad that it feels like my stomach is going to burst. I sit at my desk clueless as to why I am feeling like this. I didn't have anything out of the ordinary to eat today. I am getting over a wicked head cold, but that's not it, I have had that for a week and if anything were to happen it would have happened days ago.

Suddenly I remember: I tried a new protein bar. New brand, new flavor, new everything. So I pick up the wrapper to see if there is anymore vitamins or anything different from the other kinds I eat. Nothing. Then I notice some fine print. Very fine print. I read it. It startles me yet I am enlightened as to why I am having digestive issues.

"WARNING: This product contains sugar alcohols, which may cause gastrointestinal discomfort. Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect."

Really? Okay, the print should be way bigger than fine for this little nugget of information. If I had known this, I would not have even thought about trying this at home, much less at work.

Today's lesson: Always have Tums in your desk.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Fuddruckers, bringing "fuckers" to the masses

Wednesday night was a fundraising night at Fuddruckers for the kid's school. We went even though we pay for him to go to this school. Why they have fundraisers, I am not sure, but all I knew was that I wouldn't be cooking dinner that night and that made me very happy. So we go as the happy little family we are. We order our food and then sit and wait for them to call our name when it's ready.

While we are waiting, I think I hear the guy say "Fuckers customer Bonnie, your food is ready." I tilt my head thinking that I could not have possibly heard him say fuckers, just said Fuddruckers fast, I just know it. My man sees the head tilt (I tend to do that while thinking) and says "Did you just hear that? It sounded like he said f-er" (we try not to curse around the kid). I say yes but clearly we heard him wrong. Besides, there is no possible way that he can get away with it twice and it just sounded like fucker because we have warped minds.

"Fuckers customer Nichols. Your food is ready"

Head tilt again, we both look at each other, laugh like we are 12 since mentally we are, then think how wrong it is that this guy is saying fucker in front of a ton of little kids. One of the mothers of a kid in his class came over to us and asked if we had heard what the guy was saying. Now it was confirmed. We said yes and she asked us if we thought it was as funny as she did. Of course we do! We live for stupid shit like this to happen. Innappropriate language? Check. Children hearing it? Check. The jackass is neither one of us? Check.

But don't worry. The kid didn't pick up on what the guy was saying, he just wanted to go play the arcade games.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

This will be me in Cancun come May

Puppet of terror

Don't hate me because I think that this is HILARIOUS!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Let the drinking begin

Well, with Thanksgiving here and gone, the holiday season has officially started. For me, this means that I have an excuse to drink more than I usually do. Scary, I know. The holidays are not my favorite time of year, too much traveling since half of my mans family lives in central PA, and too much time with noisy toys given to the kid by relatives who think it's hilarious.

After shopping Friday, I decided to treat myself to a little alone time while the kid was with relatives and my man was working in the garage. So my time consisted of drinking my beloved boxed wine and playing Tiger Woods golf on the 360. I created my own player and she totally rocks the pink outfit. I really suck at playing so I quickly turned it into a drinking game. For every bad shot, take a drink. Because of this I had a bottle and a half of wine and was drunk within an hour. Did I mention that all of this happened before 6 pm? Friday was a great day!

Saturday my bff and I decided to go to Ikea. I decided to get some new wine glasses since all of the ones I got last year from Crate & Barrel broke. So naturally, I got the ones that held the most wine. I simply can not be bothered walking the 10 steps to the kitchen to refill. So there we were waiting to get onto the elevator with our cart when we spied shiny wine racks that we decided we had to have. Now. We were the first ones at the elevator and then a crowd gathered to get on it. The doors opened and not one person let us get on first. They all crowded into it and the old man had the nerve to wave to us as the doors shut! What the fuck? I know the elevator holds only 6 people or two people and a cart but still. Let the people that were waiting first get on the damn thing!!!!!!!! I don't care how old you are, wait your fucking turn!

If all of this happened in the first two days of the holiday season, I am going to need more wine to survive the rest...

Monday, November 24, 2008


I finally finished my book! I feel so much better now that I actually did it. I know, it seemed like it took forever.

I saw Twilight this weekend and loved everything about it except Kristen Stewart. I think she is just annoying. If she could breathe normally and without looking like she is going to vomit, I would have been a very happy girl. I went with my bff and we were the oldest people in the theater by at least 10 years. We were SURROUNDED by tweens, it was horrible. They clapped and talked during the WHOLE movie. The best part about it was after the movie was over, my friend and I went to go to a bar to watch the Terps kick ass in basketball. All the little girls were saying how they were going to get ice cream until their friends parents picked them up so they can get ripped off of some Goldschlager. Did I mention that it was 28 degrees here Friday night so naturally I would have gone for ice cream too, losers. So my friend and I, being the assholes that we are, stated very loudly that we were going to go get some beers. The tweens pouted. Me - 1, Tweens - 0.

Okay, I am working from home today so naturally I am in front of the TV since we JUST got HD last week. I know, we are behind. For some reason I turned on The View and it reminded me how much I HATE Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Whoopi was trying to say something and it took her 5 whole minutes to get out one sentence because Elisabeth kept interrupting her. BTW, love the HD. I even got a friend to hook up the Xbox 360 in HD and Guitar Hero looks awesome! I think I may play some Tiger Woods golf tonight just to see how it looks. OMG Tony Bennett looks HORRIBLE in HD. I know he's old but good god.

Time to do some laundry. I have about 8 loads to fold so naturally I am procrastinating. Oh, I totally forgot. My white trash neighbors moved!!! I am so excited that my hallway won't reek of smoke anymore and I won't see her standing in her muu muu to get the mail. I just feel bad for their kids, they smoke in front of them all the time, in their place, at the playground, while taking a walk, you name it. I am going to miss coming up the street and see them hanging out on their sofa in FRONT of their garage, on the street itself.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Oh winter, how I love thee...

Some of you may have noticed that I have not posted in a while. Or maybe you didn't. The reason I haven't? Did I finally finish my book? Did I do something meaningful like donate old clothes to the Salvation Army? Did I spend quality time with family and friends? Did my man take me out by surprise?

I did NOT finish my book. Yet. I am in the middle of organizing/cleaning out the closets in the house and gathering things to donate to the Goodwill and Salvation Army so I am still in the process. I spent quality time with friends and family since we had them over for football/guitar hero battles on Sunday (I totally rock - on medium). And my man surprised me Saturday night and took me out to dinner sans little man. It was quite productive if I say so myself.

I was trying to get everything done by the first snow, but alas, I have failed. It snowed while at work today. It was only flurries but to me that still counts. Nothing stuck to the ground, but I still hope. I hope that we get covered in snow. Everything just looks so much prettier with the first real snow. People here in MD freak out like the apocolypse is coming if the weatherman calls for an INCH. But I think that is what I love about it. Just knowing that my mother will be one of the crazy people in line to get bread, eggs and toilet paper gives me sheer joy. It means that winter is here.

So tonight I am planning on locking myself in the bathroom after dinner to 1. clean it in peace, 2. dye my hair, 3. read while the color sets and 4. get away from guitar hero practice and High School Musical 2. Even though Zac Efron is HOT, I can not watch him sing and dance, even on mute. My little one is obsessed with this movie, which by the way was not purchased by us, but by my in-laws. I need girl time, I need sanity, and I need a room that has that. Oddly enough it's the bathroom for me. I have all of my makeup in there so in between chapters I can try the new mascara I just got and see how many different ways I can make myself hotter for my mans company party this weekend. Hopefully I will at least finish my book.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Why I have YET to finish my book

And the reasons are: Celebrity Rehab, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Intervention On Demand and laundry that seems never ending. Let's discuss these ridiculous shows shall we...

1. Celebrity Rehab: Gary Busey is fucking fantastically looney and I love it!!!! He thinks he is there to be a helper/counselor like what Dr. Drew is. That alone just cracks me up. He repeats that he is a "participant" over and over again because that is what it says on his contract. Umm, HELLO!!!! You are a "participant" in a group rehab facility dumbass. The other sad story is the model who was addicted to opiates because her mother turned them on to her. Of course Rodney King is there, he's just an alcoholic though so he is less interesting to me. And there is an American Idol reject, she too did drugs with her mom. But do you know who else is there??? Tawny Kitean!!! Plastic surgery has happened but I am warming up to her since she had something horrible happen to her and never told a soul. Check this out to see how crazy Gary Busey is:

2. Real Housewives of Atlanta: Okay, none of these girls will hold a place in my heart like the original OC gals, but they are super bitchy and I love it!!! But let's talk about Kim. She is my favorite on the show. She just doesn't give a flying fuck how she portrays herself and I love her for that! Homegirl can not sing to save her life but she still tries. I feel bad that she is no longer friends with NeNe but Sheree stepped in to be her new bff and all I have to say is watch your back Kim. Sheree looks like she would cut you with the heel of her Louboutins in a second if you cross her. But Kim, I love you, but you need to fix that mess of a wig/weave. It looks like straw and we know it's fake, and not even a good fake.

3. Intervention On Demand: Addicting. If you have On Demand, please watch Episode 68 or 69. The one with the girl that huffs the computer duster spray. Best. Episode. Ever. My friend laughs at me because I always have some wine while watching this show, especially if it's about alcoholics.

4. Laundry: I hate it, need I say more?

I am going to try to finish some more of my book tonight, but then again the season premiere of Top Chef New York comes on at 10. I don't think I will be able to restrain myself. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Okay, I still have about 200 pages to go but I am determined to read at least 100 of them tonight.

We had people over to rock out on guitar hero. Prioroties people!!! Especially when I have been challenged by an amateur. If he wants to talk shit, I will throw it right back in his face, even more so when he says he can't lose to a girl. But you know what? He lost. When will everyone just give up and accept that I am AWESOME???!!!

Saturday, November 8, 2008


I am a third of the way through my book that is over 600 pages. Hopefully I will finish it tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

This man loves himself some Bush

Moron #1:

What a shame. Seems like he didn't pay attention while he was in school. Or watching the news. Or reading the ballot. Or he lives under a rock.

Moron #2 is this guy:

He can't even count since the cost for a stamp is 42 cents and he put 39. Maybe this is an old picture, it probably is. I still like to think of this person as an idiot not only for the obvious reason, but because he though 5 cents was enough for the "trouble" of the postal worker.

You know who wouldn't do any of these things? My Edward. I want him to bite me while we are breaking some headboards. Two more weeks BITCHES!!!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Today sucks it me or does today totally suck balls? I have been crazy busy today with no time to breathe. I thought a lunchtime manicure would cheer me up. Nope. Assclowns did not care that i have 13 air bubbles in each nail and REFUSED to give me a refund or repolish because they were so busy (there were two whole customers there) and the fact that I paid with my card. I hate people sometimes.

I decided that I am going to go to my regular place and just buy the polish and do it myself at home tonight after my cardio max workout DVD. Pray that it doesn't make me throw up. I want to run a 5k in December so if I am going to achieve this goal I need to do cardio at least twice a day and run three times each weekend to build up my endurance. Think I can do it?

Watch the video below. It is one of the cutest things ever! Totally cheered me up.

By the way, I am chaperoning my cousins field trip to NYC next month, right before christmas, so I need some ideas of what to do. I know we are touring NBC studios but that's about it. Please leave some suggestions!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Kid is AWESOME!!!

Last night after work I took The Kid with me to vote. No line, got right in and to the poll. The officials wouldn't let my son actually touch the machine so he watched as I did. Then after we were done voting, he asked where the president was. I told him that we are electing a new one and that he is very busy and that we can see him on tv. His response...

"Well, I think if we are voting for him then he should be here to meet us."

Good point on his part. So while we are leaving he proceeds to tell the people on their way in that they need to "Be sure to vote because it's time for a change in this country." I swear I do not know where he get's this from. Okay. It's me.

So since it only took us 6 minutes to vote, I figured we would drive down to see my grandparents. On the way down we listened to the AC/DC channel so he could rock out, then listened to some Beastie Boys. As soon as we walk in to their house and get upstairs he yells perfectly "Hey Ladies, Get Funky!" It was fucking AWESOME!!! I have never been more proud! My grandmother had no clue what was going on and just went about making a sandwich.

I can not wait!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

New election options???

I was refreshing MSNBC today while listening to XM. Everything was going great, I was rocking out while working AND catching up on the latest election news when suddenly the worst possible thing came on the radio...The Jonas Brothers!!! Who the fuck are they and why are they famous???

Naturally, I Googled them and found out that they are quite fugly, well, except for the middle one, if he would cut his hair, start lifting and stop waxing. I'm not knocking their values or anything like that, I just don't get the whole big deal about them. I tried to listen to one of their songs but I couldn't make it 45 seconds without discovering that I was nearly jabbing out my ear drum with my mechanical pencil.

Suddenly, I had an idea....

If Election Day is a day to vote people in and out of political office, why can't we do that with celebrities? I for one would like to see Miley Cyrus, the "Jo Bros" (what the kids call the Jonas Brothers, I know), Tyra Banks, Mario Lopez, Heidi & Spencer, and Criss Angel to go away, starting tomorrow. Who would you want to see gone, celebrity or not, and why?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Rock The Vote Bitches!!!

Okay everyone, tomorrow is Election Day. Get off of your asses and vote! I don't care who you vote for, just vote.

When I went to vote four years ago, my son was a little over four months old. I chose to take him with me in his car seat to cast my vote. Everyone looked at me funny for a second and then thought it was great that I was taking him. At the time, I only took him because my man wasn't home from work yet and I didn't want to get to the polls when it was super busy.

Looking back on it, I realize that even though he will never remember that, it was important for him to be there, and this year he is going with me again whether he likes it or not. I want to teach him that voting is important, that you do have a voice no matter how small you may think it is. Your one vote could be the one that makes your guy win. Could you imagine the feeling of having your candidate win by just ONE vote and knowing that one vote could have been yours? I know it seems like a stretch but weirder things have happened in this world, just look at Sarah Palin. I just love how she congratulated the city of Pittsburgh on their World Series win. Do your homework girlie!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

All Hallows Eve

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. The kid is going as Top Gun. Complete with helmet, jumpsuit and light up Skechers. When he is wearing the helmet or the jumpsuit, you can only address him as Top Gun.

I would also like to wish a Happy Belated Birthday to my dear friend, The Whore. I now have to put OLD in front of Whore when addressing her. May she celebrate with a glass of wine with dinner and six more for breakfast. She has been busting her ass in nursing school and is doing awesome - straight A's bitches!!! I am so proud of her even though school is taking up all of our together time, and by together time I mean drinking time. Happy Birthday you OLD WHORE!!! May you have the best first annual 29th birthday EVER!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


If you haven't noticed, I haven't posted anything in a while. Work is crazy busy and it is interfering with my social life/reading time. So while I am here, I will let you know a few of my obsessions while not at work:

1. The Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer - I know these books are supposed to be for teens but they are so fucking good!!! I don't care if I sound like a complete dork. I am reading Eclipse now so no one tell me what happens. I will discuss all of this once I have finished Breaking Dawn, which at the rate I am going will be next week.

2. Mad Men - I LOVE this show! If I were living in that time I have decided that I would have been the most like Joan. And Pete is smarmy but I like him, but not as much as Don Draper. He is so complex and mysterious that I wouldn't even have cared if he was someone else. But for some strange reason I love Roger Sterling, he is so freaking hot even though he has white hair.

3. Augusten Burroughs - He is so smart and funny and I adore his books. I have read Running With Scissors and Dry, and am on Possible Side Effects now. He has gone through so much yet is not bitter about any of it and I commend him for that.

4. 30 Rock and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia - 30 Rock returns this week, HORRAY!!! Oh how I missed you Liz Lemon. BTW, I am going as Tina Fey for the Halloween Party this weekend. I already wear the dark rimmed glasses, jeans and Converses anyway. Way too easy! Sunny has to be my favorite comedy. It's so fresh and politically incorrect and slightly retarded, but it's also endearing. Wildcard bitches!!!

So, I have shared mine...what are you obsessing over lately???

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I'm such a slacker...

Okay, no pics of the beer bottle costume because my camera died. I will see if I can get one from one of the people there. I will tell you that my friend and I each took out singles and he danced in the costume. I believe the dances that were done were: the sprinkler, running man, disco, cabbage patch and an attempt at the worm. Notice I only said attempt. After a few beers the worm is not the greatest idea.

I did however go camping last weekend for a charity off road day in the Jeep. Crawl for the Cure was awesome and our group came in second for total funds raised. A big thank you goes out to all of you that support any cause you see worthy! Hopefully one day there won't be any diseases or cancer.

Sorry my posts have been sparse lately, I am such a slacker. It also didn't help that we have had crazy deadlines here at work, which is really the reason why I have not posted anything in a while.

I almost forgot, I possibly made a love connection at the party I threw. I invited my newly single BFF and my best guy friend and they totally hit it off. Since then they have gone out on a couple of dates!!! YAY ME!

Since both of them are basically made for each other, I knew that they would try to pull some prank the day after their first date. She tried telling me that instead of going to a restaurant for dinner, he took her to Quizno's. I would have believed it if they both weren't emailing me all day with the exact same questions two minutes apart. Amateurs.

I literally got this from her at 2:13, "should I give him a chance to redeem himself? He seems like a really great guy!" and then this from him at 2:17, "do you think that there is any way I can redeem myself? You know I am a great guy and normally would not have done anything like that, money's just tight right now." I didn't let them know that I knew what was going on, I played into it just to see what other cheesy lines I could pull from them.

So after 7 that night she calls me with him on 3-way and says she has a confession. So I said "Oh, you mean the one about him not really taking you to Quizno's? Yeah, I know. Next time both of you shouldn't email me with the exact same lines." They were pissed that I knew but half expected it. I mean, who do they think they are kidding?

Nice try bitches!!!

Friday, October 10, 2008


The weekend is finally here!!! I hope everyone has a good weekend and I will update you about mine on Monday. I only know tonight I am watching chick flix and tomorrow night there's a party at my place. One of my friends is wearing a beer bottle costume for it and it is NOT a halloween party.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

To Each His Own

Last night I was watching the big ole TV waiting for my brain to get sleepy. It was around 10 that I flipped over to TLC and that family with the 17 or 18 kids was on. The reason they have all of these kids is because they are super religious and that they believe each child is a blessing from God. I agree that children are no doubt a blessing, but so is the pill.

Turns out that the oldest one is getting married to a girl he met a couple of years ago at a conference for home schooled kids. They have been going out for I think two years now give or take. Seems like they are in love but...they have not even KISSED!!! How can you be with someone for over two years and not kiss that person??? Both of their parents believe that all of their children's first kisses should be at the altar on their wedding day. Who does that?

All this poor couple do is hold hands and hug if they are allowed to. They are 20 years old and have to have a chaperon on their dates, even if the two of them just to run to the store for some milk. The chaperon can be one of the younger siblings or a parent. I don't know about you, but when I was in high school I sure as hell didn't want a chaperon of any type, even if it was to really run to the store real quick. The whole thing is just crazy to me. How are they supposed to live in the real world? What will happen after college one of them wants to be a biochemical engineer? Or a personal trainer? Do they know that men (and women) walk around naked in the locker rooms? I could never be like them, but what they do makes them happy. I guess to each his own then.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Tropical storms...why they suck

So here I sit in my cozy abode on a rainy Saturday courtesy of a tropical storm, conveniently being called a Nor'easter by the kind folks at the Weather Channel. The house is sparkling clean, to the point where you could eat off of any surface, there's some good stuff on TV (CSI, chick flix, you name it), so I should be happy right? WRONG!!!!! I would be happy if today was the only rainy day, but no, it's been raining since Thursday. THURSDAY!!!! That is why my house is dangerously clean (well, except for laundry. I hate folding it.) I know that I have tons of other projects I could be doing in here like organizing my closet, getting rid of some of little man's clothes that are too small, painting the bedroom...lots of things. What am I doing you may ask??? Drinking beer and hanging out with the guys in the garage. Why? I really want to be out of the house in the worst way. It's raining nonstop and I just really can not stand to be in the house anymore. It's not cold out, a cool 70 degrees, and I figured I would enjoy this last warm rainy day while I could. Winter in right around the corner and then I will really be stuck inside when it rains.

One funny story to leave you with. My man called me Corky the other night, like Corky the kid with Downs Syndrome from Life Goes On. He tried telling me that some people eat dogs in Mexico, I said no way because that is just gross. I said that every time you see pictures of Mexico outside of all the resorts, you see rail thin dogs wandering the streets. He said that they were the smart ones. So I did some research and turns out that dogs are eaten in Mexico. He said that they probably taste like chicken since everything tastes like chicken or could be made to taste like it. I said I could name something that didn't, he wanted to bet me I couldn't. So a bet was made, wont say what it was, just that one was made. So when he asked and I quote "Okay Corky, what is the one thing that doesn't or cant be made to taste like chicken?"

My reply: "Beef. Who's Corky now???"

Game, set and match!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Brett Who? and a Sick Kid

I will just put it right out there. I am a Green Bay Packers fan. Phew! I feel better now. You may ask "Why the Packers? You are from Baltimore! Get it together Milf!" Truth is, Brett Favre. We didn't have a team for a while here in Baltimore, so I chose to follow the mighty Favre. Then when we finally got the Ravens, I still didn't want to part from my beloved Pack. Plus, Ravens fans are NUTS! Well, not all of them, half of my friends are Ravens fans. But if you have ever experienced a Ravens game on their home turf, you know the fans I am talking about. Purple camo, purple everything and obnoxious as hell, especially if the team is winning. They do not know how to win graciously, or to accept defeat. So from now until the Super Bowl, I will have to hear all of the gloating or complaints from everyone and their mother.

What really got me to hate the Ravens is a story about my man taking his cousin to a game. My man and his entire family are Steelers fans, born and bred in PA. So my man takes his 13 year old cousin to a Steelers/Ravens game down in Baltimore for his birthday. He thought it would be a great experience for his cousins birthday since they had great seats and he got to get out of his small little town for a while. So while at the game, Steelers score. His cousin gets out his Terrible Towel and starts waving it in celebration. Some bitter 55 year old jackass sitting behind them ripped the Terrible Towel out of his hands and told him that if he did that again then there would be some serious problems. Who does that to a 13 year old boy??? Needless to say that guy got a lesson in speaking to a child like that, but still, it's the principle of the matter. I know it only took one jackass to ruin a team for me and there are probably fans like that with every team, but it just gave me a sour taste and ruined the Ravens for me. Since then I have run into quite a few people like that guy which confirmed my feelings about the Ravens.

Oh yeah, the Packers. I love the Packers even though Favre decided to retire and then weasel his way back. Yeah, yeah, I know he is a future hall of famer and all that crap but he made the decision to have a press conference and cry while announcing his retirement. I'm not even getting into how I really feel about the situation but I did not like the way things were handled on his end. So, naturally I had hope that my Pack would win last night and at least look decent doing it. And they did. And they looked great. Suck on that Favre!!!

I digress, on to something else. I have a sick kid. It sucks. Double ear infection, fever, sniffles, allergic to amoxicillin (it's not fun trying to get a different antibiotic). So he is with the mother in law today and I called him to see how he was doing. His answer: "Mommy, I feel sooooooooo much better. I'm feeling so good that I decided to play the acoustic in my room for the girls!" Acoustic = guitar, girls = dogs. I'm glad my son at least has an audience, even if they are dogs.

Friday, September 5, 2008

My Bad/End of Summer

Okay, I know i haven't posted anything in a while. The bad part is that I didn't realize it until I was laying in bed last night. To make a long story short, the past few weeks involved me going to the dentist and doctor a lot due to the need to have a tooth pulled and a wicked sinus infection. Needless to say that these things did not inspire me to post anything. With that said, let's move on.

This summer had to have been one of the best. Even with a totalled truck while on vacation, this summer rocked! Here is a list of my fave moments:

1. Saw DMB at Hershey and they totally jammed for almost 3 hours. (This was the second to last concert for LeRoi, the beloved horn player for the bad. RIP!)

2. Spent a whole week at the lake in Canada. Time was mostly spent in a hammock, adirondack chair or on the dock reading when I wasn't floating in the lake in the perfect 82 degree weather (without humidity).

3. While in Canada, attended my fourth Bluesfest in Ottawa and rocked out to Lucinda Williams. She always puts on a great show!

4. The little man turned four this year and is just so full of life. He makes me forget about any problem that may be bothering me. Oh, and he loves Neil Young and Dave Matthews. Yes, I know, my kid ROCKS!

5. My man competed his Jeep this year up in PA and is kicking ass, the series concludes next weekend and hopefully he will win the whole thing.

6. My neighbor found out she is pregnant, though her sister is too. I will not be drinking the water over there.

7. My man and I really fell in love all over again. Corny to say? Yes, but when you have been together over 6 years it's still amazing that we love each other as much as we do and still find new reasons why.

8. Lost some weight over the summer which motivated me to keep going. I will post updates weekly.

While I was sick/in need of dental care, I spent a lot of time with my TV. I discovered that I secretly love "What Not To Wear" and the fact that it comes on everyday is awesome! I am also an "Intervention" addict. That show is crazy good and makes Monday night that much better. I also think that Netflix is the best invention ever!!! How amazing is it that for less than $20/month I can watch anything I want without going anywhere. I like to think that I am doing my part in being green since I no longer have to drive to Blockbuster.

Yes, I know all of the conventions happened. I just dont want to comment on them. Though I will say this: Nice ring finger tattoo LEVI! Nothing says class more.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Crocs - They need to GO AWAY!!!

Many of you know of my intense hatred for Crocs. I think that they are the ugliest things ever created. Yes, I hate them more than toe socks (though, toe socks are the DUMBEST thing). I know people have a love for them like nothing else because they are "so comfortable" but really, who are we kidding? Those people are jumping on the bandwagon. Isn't fashionable footwear supposed to hurt a little? Especially the adorable shoes you had to have to match the dress you had to have. Isn't there a saying that "pain is beauty"? I don't need to see one more thirty-something soccer mom dressed in khakis, polo and matching Crocs. I just don't. It's summer, wear flip flops, sandals, tennis shoes (sneakers for those up north), just don't wear Crocs. They look ridiculous, like if you wore bowling shoes or clown shoes to match your outfit, but you wouldn't do that because that is just ludicrous. My point is this: STOP BUYING THEM, STOP WEARING THEM and more important STOP PUTTING THINGS IN THE HOLES TO "ACCESSORIZE." Even the new "modern" Crocs suck. Please, why would I buy a pair of heels that are made by Crocs? Yes, they make a pair of heels now, you can check their site.

Having said all of this, my son has two pairs. This makes me sound like a hypocrite, but I assure you that I was not there when they were bought and I had a royal fit when I spotted them on his feet. My man and I don't like our child looking like a dork, plus they are turquoise! Of all colors he owns the brightest ones next to pink. They are a pain. He goes to daycare and when he comes home and takes them off, I have to wash his feet immediately because the dirt gets everywhere inside of the Crocs. The tops of his feet look like ladybugs from where the dirt came in the holes. It's disgusting.

So please, don't get all negative on me, this is just an opinion. And whatever you do, please do not try to justify wearing them in public. If you must wear them, do so in YOUR garden or home and no where else.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stupid Cat, Disgusting People, Gay Things My Man Says

Scene 1: Stupid Cat

Setting: Me on the phone in my living room

Situation: While talking on the phone, the cat sticks his head into the gas fireplace directly OVER the pilot light and almost catches himself on fire.

Resolution: Cat now has singed whiskers and patch. Betcha that dumb ass learned a lesson.

Scene 2: Disgusting People
Setting: Me sitting in traffic on the way home, checked my rear view mirror while stopped
Situation: Husband and wife in hybrid car behind me, wife has arms up and is holding headrest. The husband then takes his hands and starts DIGGING into her pits like a monkey picking bugs out of another head. the husband then proceeds to pick stuff out then I see him YANKING things out of her pits.
Resolution: Tried getting a picture but almost puked. Proceeded to call the girls and my man to tell him what I just witnessed.
Gay Things My Man Says
Now to the good stuff. While in the kitchen the other night my man tells me he is out of sunscreen. So I tell him we have that water babies stuff that has a pump sprayer and has a high SPF. He then tells me that he hates that because you have to rub it in and when he puts it on his face "it really seems to clog his pores and his face can't breathe."
Last night we were watching the movie "Kingpin." Classic, I know. There is a scene in the movie where Woody Harrelson's character has a guy pretend to rob his landlord so he can get out of paying this months rent. you see the robber for about 10 seconds and maybe see his face for 2, for God's sakes he is wearing a hoodie. So my man turns to me and says the greatest words ever: "Wasn't that Stanford?" It in fact was Stanford from Sex and the City playing the robber. It just made me love him more!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Exercise and stupid people

Okay, so I have been trying to lose some weight ever since my doc practically yelled at me. I decided to try workout DVD's since I have a child and a man that works late hours (construction) and it would be much easier to find the time if I did it at home.

The first DVD I tried was Winsor Pilates (it was on sale at Target for a crazy good price). I LOVED all of the DVDs that came in the set because the exercises were easy, you didn't get super sweaty or start breathing like you were dying. My only complaint is this: I was in a LOT of pain the next day. I like to think that the exercises really worked getting to the right places, but it hurt to sit down, raise my arms, walk down stairs, you name it. I decided to try this again once I am in better shape for fear of limbs suddenly falling off.

The DVD I am on now is "Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred" and she is a bitch! No time to take a sip of water or to compose yourself after doing a straight minute of push-ups (yes, I know I am weak). The thing is that I love her and the DVD. You do three "circuits" of three minutes strength training, two minutes cardio, one minute abs. Sounds easy but she kicks your ass and you dont feel as sore the next day. There are three levels, I have only done the first one. I will let you know as I go.

On to stupid people...I am from the Baltimore area. Home of the Orioles, crab cakes, Natty Boh, and traffic galore. While sitting on the beltway this morning, I notice the guy in front of me is doing an awful lot of moving around in his car to be considered dancing. Next thing I know, he is undressing. That's right. Changing his clothes WHILE operating a MOVING vehicle! First goes the shirt, then the pants. Now, we werent going THAT fast, maybe 15 mph at best, but traffic was still moving. He then proceeds to put on not one, but two shirts by pulling them over his head. I assume that the reason he was almost standing up and swerving was because he needed to put on pants. At least I'm hoping so...