One of my favorite news clips. If are going out tonight, be safe, no DUI's or unprotected sex. Now enjoy the clip, especially the amateur sketch.
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5 years ago
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
I know...
...that I have been gone for a week. Updates to come later today. Here's a preview: had my 7 year anniversary where many drinks were consumed, registered for a 60 mile walk (yes 60 freaking miles), diets suck, and the weird shower family is back.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
What time is it?
It's head cold time! Since I posted those pics last week of our snow storm, mother nature played a cruel trick on us here is the Mid-Atlantic. Last Thursday it was 29 degrees, Sunday and yesterday it got up to 58. WTF! Now as I type this, I have to keep taking breaks so I wont sneeze on my computer. It's horrible because they come out of no where and are violently strong.
On the up side, while the weekend was gorgeous, I took the little man for his swim lesson and he rocked it! Now he can go underwater to pick up the rings (this is huge progress for him considering he hates dunking his head while bathing). While we were watching his lesson, my man and I noticed something quite odd.
The class that was before little man's was done by 15 minutes when we noticed a family hanging out at the rinse off showers at the end of the room, conveniently at the end my son has his lesson. Normal people go there to get the chlorine off then proceed on their merry way. Not this family.
The family consisted of a mother and her three kids which I am guessing their ages to be 12, 8 and 3. We are watching little mans lesson and look over to the 3 year old being bathed at the showers. Bathed. In full view of everyone. The mother had a basket of body wash, loofahs, shampoo, you know, stuff for a shower inside a curtain. But did she care? Nope.
Normally I dont mind naked kids, it's a pool, it happens, but I do mind her washing her sons ass crack in front of me. Like bend over and let me get in there to scrub kind of washing. There are locker rooms with showers and her little boy can go in there since he is under the age of 6. She should have washed his ass in there. Oh, and while we are on the topic of asses, she washed hers there too along with other things down there. She tried to fool us by sticking her hands in her shorts to conceal this, but when there are open observation windows all around plus wet shorts that stick to everything, it's kind of hard to hide that.
On the up side, while the weekend was gorgeous, I took the little man for his swim lesson and he rocked it! Now he can go underwater to pick up the rings (this is huge progress for him considering he hates dunking his head while bathing). While we were watching his lesson, my man and I noticed something quite odd.
The class that was before little man's was done by 15 minutes when we noticed a family hanging out at the rinse off showers at the end of the room, conveniently at the end my son has his lesson. Normal people go there to get the chlorine off then proceed on their merry way. Not this family.
The family consisted of a mother and her three kids which I am guessing their ages to be 12, 8 and 3. We are watching little mans lesson and look over to the 3 year old being bathed at the showers. Bathed. In full view of everyone. The mother had a basket of body wash, loofahs, shampoo, you know, stuff for a shower inside a curtain. But did she care? Nope.
Normally I dont mind naked kids, it's a pool, it happens, but I do mind her washing her sons ass crack in front of me. Like bend over and let me get in there to scrub kind of washing. There are locker rooms with showers and her little boy can go in there since he is under the age of 6. She should have washed his ass in there. Oh, and while we are on the topic of asses, she washed hers there too along with other things down there. She tried to fool us by sticking her hands in her shorts to conceal this, but when there are open observation windows all around plus wet shorts that stick to everything, it's kind of hard to hide that.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
My son is going on tour...and Whoppi wants to throw down and so do I!
After the fabulous weekend at the cabin with some dear friends, my man and I stop over to his parents to pick up little man. We get there and he greets us warmly and then suddenly grabs his coat and says "let's roll, I'm ready to get home." Okay. Since when did he turn into a pimp?
So the next morning I am taking him to school when he informs me that he has made the decision to go on tour. The conversation goes like this:
"Mommy, I have decided I am going on tour."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I play my new guitar really good, so I need to tour and rock!"
"Where exactly are you going on this tour?"
"Ummm, I don't know. Probably the kitchen, or the dining room. I would only play the acoustic in the dining room since you have to sit down. Then you could really rock when I play in my room, I'll even let you jump on my bed."
Crisis averted.
Okay, so I caught a clip of The View when Ann "whackadoo" Coulter was on and I swear, if I could have reached through the TV, I would have. I just find it amazing that Whoopi didn't bitch slap her because you know she wanted to. The clips is 8 minutes but Ann gets ripped a new one the whole time, I love it.
Not to sound like I'm all on a soapbox or anything, but WTF? I was raised by a single mother and I'm not in jail. According to her I am a single mother for not being married, so that means little man will grow up to be a rapist or in jail. Really Ann? I know tons of single mothers who are doing a damn good job with their kids. My aunt is one, my friend is one, almost all of my friends come from broken homes. I don't see them in jail. Plus, she doesn't even have kids (thank God) so she has no room to talk about how to raise them.
I know mothers at my kids school who think like her. They look at me and just because I am young and not married, say that I am the "mother of a bastard" and it's so "tragic that she's a single mother" just because I don't have a ring on my finger. They say it while I am in the same room!!!
Well ladies, sorry I didn't wait until I was 40-ish to have my first child. I will be the one having all of the fun at 40 because little man will be 18. I will still be young enough to be awesome without looking ridiculous or trying to "recapture my youth" like you all are doing right now. I have tried to be nice to you, in fact, I still do. I have never been rude, always RSVP to parties and I always acknowledge you when you are near me. What gives???
Oh, and some of you should know, your husbands have hit on me more than once, a couple even asking me out for drinks.
So the next morning I am taking him to school when he informs me that he has made the decision to go on tour. The conversation goes like this:
"Mommy, I have decided I am going on tour."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I play my new guitar really good, so I need to tour and rock!"
"Where exactly are you going on this tour?"
"Ummm, I don't know. Probably the kitchen, or the dining room. I would only play the acoustic in the dining room since you have to sit down. Then you could really rock when I play in my room, I'll even let you jump on my bed."
Crisis averted.
Okay, so I caught a clip of The View when Ann "whackadoo" Coulter was on and I swear, if I could have reached through the TV, I would have. I just find it amazing that Whoopi didn't bitch slap her because you know she wanted to. The clips is 8 minutes but Ann gets ripped a new one the whole time, I love it.
Not to sound like I'm all on a soapbox or anything, but WTF? I was raised by a single mother and I'm not in jail. According to her I am a single mother for not being married, so that means little man will grow up to be a rapist or in jail. Really Ann? I know tons of single mothers who are doing a damn good job with their kids. My aunt is one, my friend is one, almost all of my friends come from broken homes. I don't see them in jail. Plus, she doesn't even have kids (thank God) so she has no room to talk about how to raise them.
I know mothers at my kids school who think like her. They look at me and just because I am young and not married, say that I am the "mother of a bastard" and it's so "tragic that she's a single mother" just because I don't have a ring on my finger. They say it while I am in the same room!!!
Well ladies, sorry I didn't wait until I was 40-ish to have my first child. I will be the one having all of the fun at 40 because little man will be 18. I will still be young enough to be awesome without looking ridiculous or trying to "recapture my youth" like you all are doing right now. I have tried to be nice to you, in fact, I still do. I have never been rude, always RSVP to parties and I always acknowledge you when you are near me. What gives???
Oh, and some of you should know, your husbands have hit on me more than once, a couple even asking me out for drinks.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Throwback Thursday
This gem is circa 1992, courtesy of the El Paso PD. Nothing like some fake rap to reach the OG's. Enjoy.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Let the drinking begin
Well, with Thanksgiving here and gone, the holiday season has officially started. For me, this means that I have an excuse to drink more than I usually do. Scary, I know. The holidays are not my favorite time of year, too much traveling since half of my mans family lives in central PA, and too much time with noisy toys given to the kid by relatives who think it's hilarious.
After shopping Friday, I decided to treat myself to a little alone time while the kid was with relatives and my man was working in the garage. So my time consisted of drinking my beloved boxed wine and playing Tiger Woods golf on the 360. I created my own player and she totally rocks the pink outfit. I really suck at playing so I quickly turned it into a drinking game. For every bad shot, take a drink. Because of this I had a bottle and a half of wine and was drunk within an hour. Did I mention that all of this happened before 6 pm? Friday was a great day!
Saturday my bff and I decided to go to Ikea. I decided to get some new wine glasses since all of the ones I got last year from Crate & Barrel broke. So naturally, I got the ones that held the most wine. I simply can not be bothered walking the 10 steps to the kitchen to refill. So there we were waiting to get onto the elevator with our cart when we spied shiny wine racks that we decided we had to have. Now. We were the first ones at the elevator and then a crowd gathered to get on it. The doors opened and not one person let us get on first. They all crowded into it and the old man had the nerve to wave to us as the doors shut! What the fuck? I know the elevator holds only 6 people or two people and a cart but still. Let the people that were waiting first get on the damn thing!!!!!!!! I don't care how old you are, wait your fucking turn!
If all of this happened in the first two days of the holiday season, I am going to need more wine to survive the rest...
After shopping Friday, I decided to treat myself to a little alone time while the kid was with relatives and my man was working in the garage. So my time consisted of drinking my beloved boxed wine and playing Tiger Woods golf on the 360. I created my own player and she totally rocks the pink outfit. I really suck at playing so I quickly turned it into a drinking game. For every bad shot, take a drink. Because of this I had a bottle and a half of wine and was drunk within an hour. Did I mention that all of this happened before 6 pm? Friday was a great day!
Saturday my bff and I decided to go to Ikea. I decided to get some new wine glasses since all of the ones I got last year from Crate & Barrel broke. So naturally, I got the ones that held the most wine. I simply can not be bothered walking the 10 steps to the kitchen to refill. So there we were waiting to get onto the elevator with our cart when we spied shiny wine racks that we decided we had to have. Now. We were the first ones at the elevator and then a crowd gathered to get on it. The doors opened and not one person let us get on first. They all crowded into it and the old man had the nerve to wave to us as the doors shut! What the fuck? I know the elevator holds only 6 people or two people and a cart but still. Let the people that were waiting first get on the damn thing!!!!!!!! I don't care how old you are, wait your fucking turn!
If all of this happened in the first two days of the holiday season, I am going to need more wine to survive the rest...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Finally!!!
I finally finished my book! I feel so much better now that I actually did it. I know, it seemed like it took forever.
I saw Twilight this weekend and loved everything about it except Kristen Stewart. I think she is just annoying. If she could breathe normally and without looking like she is going to vomit, I would have been a very happy girl. I went with my bff and we were the oldest people in the theater by at least 10 years. We were SURROUNDED by tweens, it was horrible. They clapped and talked during the WHOLE movie. The best part about it was after the movie was over, my friend and I went to go to a bar to watch the Terps kick ass in basketball. All the little girls were saying how they were going to get ice cream until their friends parents picked them up so they can get ripped off of some Goldschlager. Did I mention that it was 28 degrees here Friday night so naturally I would have gone for ice cream too, losers. So my friend and I, being the assholes that we are, stated very loudly that we were going to go get some beers. The tweens pouted. Me - 1, Tweens - 0.
Okay, I am working from home today so naturally I am in front of the TV since we JUST got HD last week. I know, we are behind. For some reason I turned on The View and it reminded me how much I HATE Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Whoopi was trying to say something and it took her 5 whole minutes to get out one sentence because Elisabeth kept interrupting her. BTW, love the HD. I even got a friend to hook up the Xbox 360 in HD and Guitar Hero looks awesome! I think I may play some Tiger Woods golf tonight just to see how it looks. OMG Tony Bennett looks HORRIBLE in HD. I know he's old but good god.
Time to do some laundry. I have about 8 loads to fold so naturally I am procrastinating. Oh, I totally forgot. My white trash neighbors moved!!! I am so excited that my hallway won't reek of smoke anymore and I won't see her standing in her muu muu to get the mail. I just feel bad for their kids, they smoke in front of them all the time, in their place, at the playground, while taking a walk, you name it. I am going to miss coming up the street and see them hanging out on their sofa in FRONT of their garage, on the street itself.
I saw Twilight this weekend and loved everything about it except Kristen Stewart. I think she is just annoying. If she could breathe normally and without looking like she is going to vomit, I would have been a very happy girl. I went with my bff and we were the oldest people in the theater by at least 10 years. We were SURROUNDED by tweens, it was horrible. They clapped and talked during the WHOLE movie. The best part about it was after the movie was over, my friend and I went to go to a bar to watch the Terps kick ass in basketball. All the little girls were saying how they were going to get ice cream until their friends parents picked them up so they can get ripped off of some Goldschlager. Did I mention that it was 28 degrees here Friday night so naturally I would have gone for ice cream too, losers. So my friend and I, being the assholes that we are, stated very loudly that we were going to go get some beers. The tweens pouted. Me - 1, Tweens - 0.
Okay, I am working from home today so naturally I am in front of the TV since we JUST got HD last week. I know, we are behind. For some reason I turned on The View and it reminded me how much I HATE Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Whoopi was trying to say something and it took her 5 whole minutes to get out one sentence because Elisabeth kept interrupting her. BTW, love the HD. I even got a friend to hook up the Xbox 360 in HD and Guitar Hero looks awesome! I think I may play some Tiger Woods golf tonight just to see how it looks. OMG Tony Bennett looks HORRIBLE in HD. I know he's old but good god.
Time to do some laundry. I have about 8 loads to fold so naturally I am procrastinating. Oh, I totally forgot. My white trash neighbors moved!!! I am so excited that my hallway won't reek of smoke anymore and I won't see her standing in her muu muu to get the mail. I just feel bad for their kids, they smoke in front of them all the time, in their place, at the playground, while taking a walk, you name it. I am going to miss coming up the street and see them hanging out on their sofa in FRONT of their garage, on the street itself.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Update
Okay, I still have about 200 pages to go but I am determined to read at least 100 of them tonight.
We had people over to rock out on guitar hero. Prioroties people!!! Especially when I have been challenged by an amateur. If he wants to talk shit, I will throw it right back in his face, even more so when he says he can't lose to a girl. But you know what? He lost. When will everyone just give up and accept that I am AWESOME???!!!
We had people over to rock out on guitar hero. Prioroties people!!! Especially when I have been challenged by an amateur. If he wants to talk shit, I will throw it right back in his face, even more so when he says he can't lose to a girl. But you know what? He lost. When will everyone just give up and accept that I am AWESOME???!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
This man loves himself some Bush
Moron #1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQVP2BV9LP0
What a shame. Seems like he didn't pay attention while he was in school. Or watching the news. Or reading the ballot. Or he lives under a rock.
Moron #2 is this guy:
He can't even count since the cost for a stamp is 42 cents and he put 39. Maybe this is an old picture, it probably is. I still like to think of this person as an idiot not only for the obvious reason, but because he though 5 cents was enough for the "trouble" of the postal worker.
You know who wouldn't do any of these things? My Edward. I want him to bite me while we are breaking some headboards. Two more weeks BITCHES!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQVP2BV9LP0
What a shame. Seems like he didn't pay attention while he was in school. Or watching the news. Or reading the ballot. Or he lives under a rock.
Moron #2 is this guy:
He can't even count since the cost for a stamp is 42 cents and he put 39. Maybe this is an old picture, it probably is. I still like to think of this person as an idiot not only for the obvious reason, but because he though 5 cents was enough for the "trouble" of the postal worker.
You know who wouldn't do any of these things? My Edward. I want him to bite me while we are breaking some headboards. Two more weeks BITCHES!!!!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Today sucks
So...is it me or does today totally suck balls? I have been crazy busy today with no time to breathe. I thought a lunchtime manicure would cheer me up. Nope. Assclowns did not care that i have 13 air bubbles in each nail and REFUSED to give me a refund or repolish because they were so busy (there were two whole customers there) and the fact that I paid with my card. I hate people sometimes.
I decided that I am going to go to my regular place and just buy the polish and do it myself at home tonight after my cardio max workout DVD. Pray that it doesn't make me throw up. I want to run a 5k in December so if I am going to achieve this goal I need to do cardio at least twice a day and run three times each weekend to build up my endurance. Think I can do it?
Watch the video below. It is one of the cutest things ever! Totally cheered me up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37EMBdL9-bw
By the way, I am chaperoning my cousins field trip to NYC next month, right before christmas, so I need some ideas of what to do. I know we are touring NBC studios but that's about it. Please leave some suggestions!!!
I decided that I am going to go to my regular place and just buy the polish and do it myself at home tonight after my cardio max workout DVD. Pray that it doesn't make me throw up. I want to run a 5k in December so if I am going to achieve this goal I need to do cardio at least twice a day and run three times each weekend to build up my endurance. Think I can do it?
Watch the video below. It is one of the cutest things ever! Totally cheered me up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37EMBdL9-bw
By the way, I am chaperoning my cousins field trip to NYC next month, right before christmas, so I need some ideas of what to do. I know we are touring NBC studios but that's about it. Please leave some suggestions!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
New election options???
I was refreshing MSNBC today while listening to XM. Everything was going great, I was rocking out while working AND catching up on the latest election news when suddenly the worst possible thing came on the radio...The Jonas Brothers!!! Who the fuck are they and why are they famous???
Naturally, I Googled them and found out that they are quite fugly, well, except for the middle one, if he would cut his hair, start lifting and stop waxing. I'm not knocking their values or anything like that, I just don't get the whole big deal about them. I tried to listen to one of their songs but I couldn't make it 45 seconds without discovering that I was nearly jabbing out my ear drum with my mechanical pencil.
Suddenly, I had an idea....
If Election Day is a day to vote people in and out of political office, why can't we do that with celebrities? I for one would like to see Miley Cyrus, the "Jo Bros" (what the kids call the Jonas Brothers, I know), Tyra Banks, Mario Lopez, Heidi & Spencer, and Criss Angel to go away, starting tomorrow. Who would you want to see gone, celebrity or not, and why?
Naturally, I Googled them and found out that they are quite fugly, well, except for the middle one, if he would cut his hair, start lifting and stop waxing. I'm not knocking their values or anything like that, I just don't get the whole big deal about them. I tried to listen to one of their songs but I couldn't make it 45 seconds without discovering that I was nearly jabbing out my ear drum with my mechanical pencil.
Suddenly, I had an idea....
If Election Day is a day to vote people in and out of political office, why can't we do that with celebrities? I for one would like to see Miley Cyrus, the "Jo Bros" (what the kids call the Jonas Brothers, I know), Tyra Banks, Mario Lopez, Heidi & Spencer, and Criss Angel to go away, starting tomorrow. Who would you want to see gone, celebrity or not, and why?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Stupid Cat, Disgusting People, Gay Things My Man Says
Scene 1: Stupid Cat
Setting: Me on the phone in my living room
Situation: While talking on the phone, the cat sticks his head into the gas fireplace directly OVER the pilot light and almost catches himself on fire.
Resolution: Cat now has singed whiskers and patch. Betcha that dumb ass learned a lesson.
Scene 2: Disgusting People
Setting: Me sitting in traffic on the way home, checked my rear view mirror while stopped
Situation: Husband and wife in hybrid car behind me, wife has arms up and is holding headrest. The husband then takes his hands and starts DIGGING into her pits like a monkey picking bugs out of another head. the husband then proceeds to pick stuff out then I see him YANKING things out of her pits.
Resolution: Tried getting a picture but almost puked. Proceeded to call the girls and my man to tell him what I just witnessed.
Gay Things My Man Says
Now to the good stuff. While in the kitchen the other night my man tells me he is out of sunscreen. So I tell him we have that water babies stuff that has a pump sprayer and has a high SPF. He then tells me that he hates that because you have to rub it in and when he puts it on his face "it really seems to clog his pores and his face can't breathe."
Last night we were watching the movie "Kingpin." Classic, I know. There is a scene in the movie where Woody Harrelson's character has a guy pretend to rob his landlord so he can get out of paying this months rent. you see the robber for about 10 seconds and maybe see his face for 2, for God's sakes he is wearing a hoodie. So my man turns to me and says the greatest words ever: "Wasn't that Stanford?" It in fact was Stanford from Sex and the City playing the robber. It just made me love him more!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Exercise and stupid people
Okay, so I have been trying to lose some weight ever since my doc practically yelled at me. I decided to try workout DVD's since I have a child and a man that works late hours (construction) and it would be much easier to find the time if I did it at home.
The first DVD I tried was Winsor Pilates (it was on sale at Target for a crazy good price). I LOVED all of the DVDs that came in the set because the exercises were easy, you didn't get super sweaty or start breathing like you were dying. My only complaint is this: I was in a LOT of pain the next day. I like to think that the exercises really worked getting to the right places, but it hurt to sit down, raise my arms, walk down stairs, you name it. I decided to try this again once I am in better shape for fear of limbs suddenly falling off.
The DVD I am on now is "Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred" and she is a bitch! No time to take a sip of water or to compose yourself after doing a straight minute of push-ups (yes, I know I am weak). The thing is that I love her and the DVD. You do three "circuits" of three minutes strength training, two minutes cardio, one minute abs. Sounds easy but she kicks your ass and you dont feel as sore the next day. There are three levels, I have only done the first one. I will let you know as I go.
On to stupid people...I am from the Baltimore area. Home of the Orioles, crab cakes, Natty Boh, and traffic galore. While sitting on the beltway this morning, I notice the guy in front of me is doing an awful lot of moving around in his car to be considered dancing. Next thing I know, he is undressing. That's right. Changing his clothes WHILE operating a MOVING vehicle! First goes the shirt, then the pants. Now, we werent going THAT fast, maybe 15 mph at best, but traffic was still moving. He then proceeds to put on not one, but two shirts by pulling them over his head. I assume that the reason he was almost standing up and swerving was because he needed to put on pants. At least I'm hoping so...
The first DVD I tried was Winsor Pilates (it was on sale at Target for a crazy good price). I LOVED all of the DVDs that came in the set because the exercises were easy, you didn't get super sweaty or start breathing like you were dying. My only complaint is this: I was in a LOT of pain the next day. I like to think that the exercises really worked getting to the right places, but it hurt to sit down, raise my arms, walk down stairs, you name it. I decided to try this again once I am in better shape for fear of limbs suddenly falling off.
The DVD I am on now is "Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred" and she is a bitch! No time to take a sip of water or to compose yourself after doing a straight minute of push-ups (yes, I know I am weak). The thing is that I love her and the DVD. You do three "circuits" of three minutes strength training, two minutes cardio, one minute abs. Sounds easy but she kicks your ass and you dont feel as sore the next day. There are three levels, I have only done the first one. I will let you know as I go.
On to stupid people...I am from the Baltimore area. Home of the Orioles, crab cakes, Natty Boh, and traffic galore. While sitting on the beltway this morning, I notice the guy in front of me is doing an awful lot of moving around in his car to be considered dancing. Next thing I know, he is undressing. That's right. Changing his clothes WHILE operating a MOVING vehicle! First goes the shirt, then the pants. Now, we werent going THAT fast, maybe 15 mph at best, but traffic was still moving. He then proceeds to put on not one, but two shirts by pulling them over his head. I assume that the reason he was almost standing up and swerving was because he needed to put on pants. At least I'm hoping so...
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