Congratulations!!!

I just want to announce that our friends Emily & Shawn just welcomed their new baby girl into the world today. I will be going to see her tonight, and hopefully, will get some more pics, but for now, enjoy the pic that was sent to me.

They're Real And They're Spectacular!

So would you help me save them?

As you may have seen from my earlier post, I am participating in a 60 mile walk. It's over 3 days in Washington DC for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund. My goal is to raise $2,300 (the minimum) but I would like to exceed it if possible. If you would like to donate, please click my widget on the left. (Ha ha! You get to click my widget!!!)

I know times are tough with this shitty economy and all, but even if you donate $1, you are doing something. My man's grandmother and aunt both lost their battles with breast cancer a few months apart. His grandmother had it twice, and his aunt lived with it for over 20 years, so this is something very near and dear to my heart. Everyone that I know, knows at least one person affected by breast cancer, whether it is a family member, friend or coworker. So please help me in this fight to find a cure for this horrible disease.

The walk isn't until October so there is plenty of time to make a donation. If you would like to, you can make the donation in memory of or in honor of somebody you know. And to show that I mean business, I will wear a pink ribbon on my shirt for every person that donates in honor or in memory of someone. I will write their name on a ribbon and wear it proud.

So get to clickin that widget!!! If you would like to make a donation but want to make it over time, you can spread your donation out to four monthly payments to a credit card.

Thank you in advance for all of you that will be supporting me. I am sure I will be bitching over the next few weeks as I start training. This week I am supposed to walk 3 miles a day, wish me luck!

Crazy or Stink?

My man and I were talking in the living room last night when we hear "MOMMY!!!! GET IN HERE QUICK!!!!! HURRRRRYYYYYY!!!"

Immediately I run in there because usually the kid is a calm individual. I get in there and he pulls me down so he can whisper something to me. "Look in my closet." I look in, see nothing. "Look in the corner Mommy! It's so creepy!" I look again. Nothing. I ask him what has him so creeped out. With a concerned look he says:

"Elmo is giving me the stink eye and I don't like it. It's creeping me out and I am not a fan."

Welcome to my world.

The storm...Part 2

So the winter storm is gone. We only got about 3" of snow, but then we got 1/5" of ice on top of it. It was an absolute nightmare to go anywhere yesterday. I did manage to clean off the Jeep but I almost ate pavement a couple of times trying to clean the windshield.

For some reason last night I got a massive headache, and it has since turned into a mini-migraine. Now the kid is sick, home from school with a nice chest cold. I feel bad every time he coughs because it sounds like a lung is going to come up.

Since the past two days I have worked from home since school was closed, the kid has taken it upon himself to call me "Mamapops." I don't know why he is calling me that, but every time he does he giggles.

Oh, my man is still out of town and I am missing him terribly. The only good thing about him being gone is that I have cleaned nonstop. Not because I miss him, but because he isn't in my way. Every time I am unloading the dishwasher he has to reach over me to get a dish for something that he has to have right now instead of waiting two minutes. Drives me insane!

I need a new book to read so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

I will leave you with a funny story. They finally plowed my neighborhood last night, but anywhere they didn't plow was covered in ice. So I was looking out the window to see if the freezing rain had stopped, and I noticed a man cleaning off his car. And by cleaning, I mean beating his car with an ice scraper trying to get through the layer of ice. I watch him for a few minutes laughing because he is loudly screaming grunting noises with each blow to his car. Then he fell, and it was not graceful at all. He was getting ready to strike his car again when his feet slipped and he fell to the ground. When I saw that, I was laughing so hard! I love seeing people fall for some reason. It just brings me joy. So I cracked a beer to celebrate and went back to Top Chef.

Failed Road Trip

I finally caught up reading some blogs this morning, and the story that the Dutchess of Kickball told of her failed vacation reminded me of a trip that my man and I took shortly after we started dating.

My man and I were only dating maybe four months when he invited me to come with him to come to Canada with him and his family at their cottage on the lake. Being half Canadian, I jumped at the chance. The only thing holding me back was spending 4 days with his family, particularly, family I had only met a handful of times. Yet, I could not resist, vacations in Canada are awesome! The people are friendly, beautiful scenery, I get to see half of my family, and french fry trucks. That's right. Instead of ice cream trucks, they have french fry trucks and it's fucking awesome!

I should have known the trip was going to start off rough as soon as I forgot you had to have your birth certificate to cross the border. So the day we are supposed to leave I have to go to the Department of Records to get another copy. After waiting two hours for them just to print the damn thing, off to Canada we went. We left Baltimore around 8:00 p.m. to make it there before dawn.

About 3 hours into the drive we make it to Binghamton, PA to stop for gas. We stop at a truck stop/Subway (sweet combo, I know) to fill up, use the restroom, and buy some junk food for the rest of the ride. I go in while he is filling up. I come back out and he asks me for the keys. The conversation then goes like this:

My man: "Can I have the keys back? We gotta go."
Me: "Why would I have the keys? I didn't drive. I am the passenger, remember?"
My man: "Uh oh, we now have a BIG problem."
Me: "What problem could we possibly have? Stop dicking around and unlock the car."
My man: "I may have locked the keys inside."

So for the next three and a half hours we sit at a truck stop while waiting for Pop-A-Lock to come help us. We told the guy we were at exit 214 or something and that we were on the PA side of Binghamton, not NY. Well, the stupid asshat went to NY even though after you cross the border, the exit numbers start over at 1. So when he hit exit 14 he called and said that he went the wrong way and didn't have time to come help us. After bribing him with $50 extra he finally came. We didn't leave the truck stop until 5 a.m. because the guy then said he couldn't help us because we have power locks. When he got the door open, he immediately held out his hand for the extra cash.

Once we got to Canada, I had a blast and fell in love with his family. Moral of the story? Always have a hide a key on your car, if you don't, you will spend some time at a dirty truck stop that sells flavored condoms for a quarter in the bathroom.

My son is going on tour...and Whoppi wants to throw down and so do I!

After the fabulous weekend at the cabin with some dear friends, my man and I stop over to his parents to pick up little man. We get there and he greets us warmly and then suddenly grabs his coat and says "let's roll, I'm ready to get home." Okay. Since when did he turn into a pimp?

So the next morning I am taking him to school when he informs me that he has made the decision to go on tour. The conversation goes like this:

"Mommy, I have decided I am going on tour."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I play my new guitar really good, so I need to tour and rock!"

"Where exactly are you going on this tour?"

"Ummm, I don't know. Probably the kitchen, or the dining room. I would only play the acoustic in the dining room since you have to sit down. Then you could really rock when I play in my room, I'll even let you jump on my bed."

Crisis averted.


Okay, so I caught a clip of The View when Ann "whackadoo" Coulter was on and I swear, if I could have reached through the TV, I would have. I just find it amazing that Whoopi didn't bitch slap her because you know she wanted to. The clips is 8 minutes but Ann gets ripped a new one the whole time, I love it.



Not to sound like I'm all on a soapbox or anything, but WTF? I was raised by a single mother and I'm not in jail. According to her I am a single mother for not being married, so that means little man will grow up to be a rapist or in jail. Really Ann? I know tons of single mothers who are doing a damn good job with their kids. My aunt is one, my friend is one, almost all of my friends come from broken homes. I don't see them in jail. Plus, she doesn't even have kids (thank God) so she has no room to talk about how to raise them.

I know mothers at my kids school who think like her. They look at me and just because I am young and not married, say that I am the "mother of a bastard" and it's so "tragic that she's a single mother" just because I don't have a ring on my finger. They say it while I am in the same room!!!

Well ladies, sorry I didn't wait until I was 40-ish to have my first child. I will be the one having all of the fun at 40 because little man will be 18. I will still be young enough to be awesome without looking ridiculous or trying to "recapture my youth" like you all are doing right now. I have tried to be nice to you, in fact, I still do. I have never been rude, always RSVP to parties and I always acknowledge you when you are near me. What gives???

Oh, and some of you should know, your husbands have hit on me more than once, a couple even asking me out for drinks.

Have Crap TV, Will Watch

Yeah, I know. I have been gone for a couple of days. I know you missed me, it's okay. Truth is I have had a ton of meetings at work this week and all of my shows are new again! Thank goodness. Have you seen the whorefest that is Bret Michaels Rock of Love Bus? Why do I watch such crap? And no, any season of Real Housewives (or anything on Bravo for that matter) is not crap. So there, I have neglected you for reality TV.

But I did find one interesting thing on the local news. If any of you readers live in B-more, you are familiar with WJZ's segment where someone local sings Manic Monday on Monday mornings (in case you didn't get when they did this). May I introduce you to Dale from Canton. The video is over 5 minutes long but I guarantee it is totally worth it. I heart him and I want him to be my new bff. Any man that can wear a Madonna t-shirt is alright by me, in fact, he's AWESOME!!!

Okay, since I neglected you for a couple of days, here is a funny story about the kid. Remember the story that I told you about him painting with poo? Well, he was in the bath the other night. While he was in there I was cleaning up something in the living room and I hear "Mommy, I have a surprise for you!" I asked what it was and he very excitedly said "I wrote you a note on my bathtub!" I had a flashback and almost screamed in horror. I run into the bathroom to see "I heart Mommy" (with an actual heart) written in hot pink with crayons you take in the tub with you. I had forgotten that I had given them to him for Christmas. Panic attack gone. Glass of wine consumed. Fast.

Oh yeah, my man is leaving for GA in two weeks for work. He will be gone for two weeks, home for two weeks, and repeat this cycle for up to a year. Any ideas on how I can entertain myself while he is away? I think the first week will be alright but I am not sure how the second week will go. We have been together almost 7 years and the longest we have ever been apart is 4 days. I don't think I am going to like him being gone.

Holiday Recap

Night before Christmas Eve - Did last minute shopping because of course I didn't have everything I needed and had to run around like a crazy person. I then wrapped presents until 11:30 p.m. until I gave up from being exhausted.

Christmas Eve - Took little man to work with me. I told him he was doing a good job and he said "Thanks Mommy, I really appreciate it!" He is too grown for his own good. Did the presents thing with half of the in-laws. Drank a bit of wine. Good night.

Christmas - Ran around two states after we woke up at 5:30 a.m. to do the whole Santa thing. Didn't get home until 10 p.m. Once home I had a beer and crashed. Little man got an electric guitar, easel, and tons of trucks. His favorite toy? Trucks. Not even the freaking guitar!!! That drives me insane.

Yesterday - Hit the sale at Target. Got tons of holiday stuff for next year half off. I got BEAUTIFUL silver plates that I absolutely love, holiday decor, gift bags, and let little man pick out some toys. He picked out a Cars set and a stuffed animal. Now his favorite is a stuffed animal. He has thanked me about 12 times for it and I love it. The mother-in-law and I decided to celebrate the end of Christmas with a bunch of champagne.

Today - I have to clean, my place looks like a wreck with all of the stuff we had to bring home. I have bathrooms to clean, laundry to do and grocery shopping to do. I think I may hold the grocery shopping off until tomorrow, I have some partying to do tonight. Hooray Vodka!!!

Janie's Got A Gun...Or Just Some Questions

Last week the hilarious Janie asked if anyone would like to participate in a Q&A, naturally I told her I was game. I like a good Q&A, makes the time go by and you get to learn a little more about someone. So without further ado, here it goes.

Janie: How would you describe a typical day in your life?

Me: I typically wake up around 5:30 to get myself and little man ready for work and school. Drop him off, go to work, pick him up, make dinner, clean, watch mindless TV then crash. Glamorous I know. On the weekends I take it easy and have people over on Sundays for football and appetizers.

Janie: What are you most grateful for?

Me: I am grateful for my fabulous hair (it truly is), my boys, Coca-Cola, chocolate covered pretzels, martinis, wine (boxed or bottled) and snow.

Janie: I notice you like the “storyteller” songwriters – what draws you to them? ( I love Lucinda Williams!)

Me: I think I am drawn that kind of songwriting because it makes you think about things more. Whether the song is about love, heartbreak, annoyances, I think it helps you relate better to the subject. One of my all time favorite songs is Those Three Days by Lucinda Williams. When she sings this song, you can hear the pain in her soul. You feel her pain with her and you just want to tell her that whoever did that to her was an asshole and that there are WAY better men out there.

Janie: Why did you start blogging?

Me: I wanted to know that I am not the only one that is stressing out for what my man says is no reason. I have so much going on in my head that I forget to write down or forget to talk about. And, I am too lazy to write in a journal. Even though I buy one every time I am in B&N because they are pretty and on sale, I never write anything but a to do list in them. And when the little man finds one laying around, a garden is mysteriously drawn on several pages.

Janie: Who do you love, and what are you doing about it?

Me: I love my man and our son. I learned never to take anything for granted, even time. I cherish every day that I have with them. If my son wants to read, then I read with him. If my man wants to take a spontaneous drive, then I go. Life isn't guaranteed. Anyone you know could go at anytime, so please just surround yourself with the people you love and don't be afraid to tell them. Even if they say you tell them to much, it's better than not telling them at all. And if vodka were a man, I might just marry him because I love him.

Janie: If there were a movie of your life, what would be the title?

Me: Hmmm, that is a good question. The mom/responsible side would be called "Not Enough Time To Do All Of This Shit So Do It Yourself: A Lesson In How To Get Your Kid To Pick Up His God Damned Socks And Stop Leaving Them In The Middle Of The Floor" and the wild side would be called "How To Have A Great Time And Not Vomit"

Janie: Tell us a neat story about that kiddo of yours.

Me: While potty training little man almost 3 years ago (he started early thank God!!!), we would not let him get off of the training potty until he did what he had to do. So to pass the time, little man would sing his heart out. One night, after a few minutes of hearing him sing, it got awfully quiet. Too quiet actually. You parents know what I am talking about. It was the quiet where you know your kid is up to know good. So my man and I go to check on him, little did we know what we would see. We opened the bathroom door and found that little man had in fact gone to the bathroom, #2 to be exact. He let us know this because he used it as finger paint on the side of the bathtub, toilet, training potty and walls. Thank goodness we had bleach because my man scooped him up to throw him in our bathtub while I cleaned up the mess. It was a horrible night. From then on he was supervised when going potty.

I hope you enjoyed this Q&A as much as I did. If you would like to participate in one, please send me an email and I will be glad to ask you some questions. And be sure to check out Janie, she is hilarious!!! I'll give you the weekend update tomorrow and I promise it won't disappoint. My son called me a "butt shaker" at the holiday party, we went for the drive through the Appalachians and the Steelers lost...until tomorrow.

Let the weekend begin...

I am officially off until Monday. Jealous? I thought so. The bad news? I am out of wine. And by out I mean out. Nada, zilch, zero.

Okay, right now I am watching LA Ink and I must say that Kat Von D is a whackadoo. She decorated Nikki Sixx's studio with fencing gear, a prosthetic leg, meat hooks, a gold spray painted baby and scissors. And guess what? He fucking LOVES it! I know Nikki is a weird dude. If you have ever read the books Heroin Diaries or The Dirt (which I highly recommend, especially if you love Intervention like I do), you know what I am talking about. But meat hooks? He saw them and said "You know, I was looking for some online the other day." Really? Who the fuck looks for meat hooks if they aren't running a butcher shop?

Anyways, my weekend has started and I have no wine. I have decided that I am not putting a tree up this year. I have decided to enjoy my weekend and not stress, even though this is the last weekend before Christmas. I am going to embrace the freedom.

So with that, my man and I are taking the boy on an off road adventure. We are going to hit a loop in the Appalachain mountains for a nice 3 hour ride. There will be a bunch of us going and there are plenty of places to stop and enjoy the scenery. Then that night we are going to a holiday party where I can get happy drunk. I hope your weekend will be stress free, may you get your shopping done and may you find some wine. I know I will.

Fuddruckers, bringing "fuckers" to the masses

Wednesday night was a fundraising night at Fuddruckers for the kid's school. We went even though we pay for him to go to this school. Why they have fundraisers, I am not sure, but all I knew was that I wouldn't be cooking dinner that night and that made me very happy. So we go as the happy little family we are. We order our food and then sit and wait for them to call our name when it's ready.

While we are waiting, I think I hear the guy say "Fuckers customer Bonnie, your food is ready." I tilt my head thinking that I could not have possibly heard him say fuckers, just said Fuddruckers fast, I just know it. My man sees the head tilt (I tend to do that while thinking) and says "Did you just hear that? It sounded like he said f-er" (we try not to curse around the kid). I say yes but clearly we heard him wrong. Besides, there is no possible way that he can get away with it twice and it just sounded like fucker because we have warped minds.

"Fuckers customer Nichols. Your food is ready"

Head tilt again, we both look at each other, laugh like we are 12 since mentally we are, then think how wrong it is that this guy is saying fucker in front of a ton of little kids. One of the mothers of a kid in his class came over to us and asked if we had heard what the guy was saying. Now it was confirmed. We said yes and she asked us if we thought it was as funny as she did. Of course we do! We live for stupid shit like this to happen. Innappropriate language? Check. Children hearing it? Check. The jackass is neither one of us? Check.

But don't worry. The kid didn't pick up on what the guy was saying, he just wanted to go play the arcade games.

Let the drinking begin

Well, with Thanksgiving here and gone, the holiday season has officially started. For me, this means that I have an excuse to drink more than I usually do. Scary, I know. The holidays are not my favorite time of year, too much traveling since half of my mans family lives in central PA, and too much time with noisy toys given to the kid by relatives who think it's hilarious.

After shopping Friday, I decided to treat myself to a little alone time while the kid was with relatives and my man was working in the garage. So my time consisted of drinking my beloved boxed wine and playing Tiger Woods golf on the 360. I created my own player and she totally rocks the pink outfit. I really suck at playing so I quickly turned it into a drinking game. For every bad shot, take a drink. Because of this I had a bottle and a half of wine and was drunk within an hour. Did I mention that all of this happened before 6 pm? Friday was a great day!

Saturday my bff and I decided to go to Ikea. I decided to get some new wine glasses since all of the ones I got last year from Crate & Barrel broke. So naturally, I got the ones that held the most wine. I simply can not be bothered walking the 10 steps to the kitchen to refill. So there we were waiting to get onto the elevator with our cart when we spied shiny wine racks that we decided we had to have. Now. We were the first ones at the elevator and then a crowd gathered to get on it. The doors opened and not one person let us get on first. They all crowded into it and the old man had the nerve to wave to us as the doors shut! What the fuck? I know the elevator holds only 6 people or two people and a cart but still. Let the people that were waiting first get on the damn thing!!!!!!!! I don't care how old you are, wait your fucking turn!

If all of this happened in the first two days of the holiday season, I am going to need more wine to survive the rest...

Oh winter, how I love thee...

Some of you may have noticed that I have not posted in a while. Or maybe you didn't. The reason I haven't? Did I finally finish my book? Did I do something meaningful like donate old clothes to the Salvation Army? Did I spend quality time with family and friends? Did my man take me out by surprise?

I did NOT finish my book. Yet. I am in the middle of organizing/cleaning out the closets in the house and gathering things to donate to the Goodwill and Salvation Army so I am still in the process. I spent quality time with friends and family since we had them over for football/guitar hero battles on Sunday (I totally rock - on medium). And my man surprised me Saturday night and took me out to dinner sans little man. It was quite productive if I say so myself.

I was trying to get everything done by the first snow, but alas, I have failed. It snowed while at work today. It was only flurries but to me that still counts. Nothing stuck to the ground, but I still hope. I hope that we get covered in snow. Everything just looks so much prettier with the first real snow. People here in MD freak out like the apocolypse is coming if the weatherman calls for an INCH. But I think that is what I love about it. Just knowing that my mother will be one of the crazy people in line to get bread, eggs and toilet paper gives me sheer joy. It means that winter is here.

So tonight I am planning on locking myself in the bathroom after dinner to 1. clean it in peace, 2. dye my hair, 3. read while the color sets and 4. get away from guitar hero practice and High School Musical 2. Even though Zac Efron is HOT, I can not watch him sing and dance, even on mute. My little one is obsessed with this movie, which by the way was not purchased by us, but by my in-laws. I need girl time, I need sanity, and I need a room that has that. Oddly enough it's the bathroom for me. I have all of my makeup in there so in between chapters I can try the new mascara I just got and see how many different ways I can make myself hotter for my mans company party this weekend. Hopefully I will at least finish my book.