Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stupid Cat, Disgusting People, Gay Things My Man Says

Scene 1: Stupid Cat

Setting: Me on the phone in my living room

Situation: While talking on the phone, the cat sticks his head into the gas fireplace directly OVER the pilot light and almost catches himself on fire.

Resolution: Cat now has singed whiskers and patch. Betcha that dumb ass learned a lesson.

Scene 2: Disgusting People
Setting: Me sitting in traffic on the way home, checked my rear view mirror while stopped
Situation: Husband and wife in hybrid car behind me, wife has arms up and is holding headrest. The husband then takes his hands and starts DIGGING into her pits like a monkey picking bugs out of another head. the husband then proceeds to pick stuff out then I see him YANKING things out of her pits.
Resolution: Tried getting a picture but almost puked. Proceeded to call the girls and my man to tell him what I just witnessed.
Gay Things My Man Says
Now to the good stuff. While in the kitchen the other night my man tells me he is out of sunscreen. So I tell him we have that water babies stuff that has a pump sprayer and has a high SPF. He then tells me that he hates that because you have to rub it in and when he puts it on his face "it really seems to clog his pores and his face can't breathe."
Last night we were watching the movie "Kingpin." Classic, I know. There is a scene in the movie where Woody Harrelson's character has a guy pretend to rob his landlord so he can get out of paying this months rent. you see the robber for about 10 seconds and maybe see his face for 2, for God's sakes he is wearing a hoodie. So my man turns to me and says the greatest words ever: "Wasn't that Stanford?" It in fact was Stanford from Sex and the City playing the robber. It just made me love him more!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Exercise and stupid people

Okay, so I have been trying to lose some weight ever since my doc practically yelled at me. I decided to try workout DVD's since I have a child and a man that works late hours (construction) and it would be much easier to find the time if I did it at home.

The first DVD I tried was Winsor Pilates (it was on sale at Target for a crazy good price). I LOVED all of the DVDs that came in the set because the exercises were easy, you didn't get super sweaty or start breathing like you were dying. My only complaint is this: I was in a LOT of pain the next day. I like to think that the exercises really worked getting to the right places, but it hurt to sit down, raise my arms, walk down stairs, you name it. I decided to try this again once I am in better shape for fear of limbs suddenly falling off.

The DVD I am on now is "Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred" and she is a bitch! No time to take a sip of water or to compose yourself after doing a straight minute of push-ups (yes, I know I am weak). The thing is that I love her and the DVD. You do three "circuits" of three minutes strength training, two minutes cardio, one minute abs. Sounds easy but she kicks your ass and you dont feel as sore the next day. There are three levels, I have only done the first one. I will let you know as I go.

On to stupid people...I am from the Baltimore area. Home of the Orioles, crab cakes, Natty Boh, and traffic galore. While sitting on the beltway this morning, I notice the guy in front of me is doing an awful lot of moving around in his car to be considered dancing. Next thing I know, he is undressing. That's right. Changing his clothes WHILE operating a MOVING vehicle! First goes the shirt, then the pants. Now, we werent going THAT fast, maybe 15 mph at best, but traffic was still moving. He then proceeds to put on not one, but two shirts by pulling them over his head. I assume that the reason he was almost standing up and swerving was because he needed to put on pants. At least I'm hoping so...