Saturday, December 27, 2008

Holiday Recap

Night before Christmas Eve - Did last minute shopping because of course I didn't have everything I needed and had to run around like a crazy person. I then wrapped presents until 11:30 p.m. until I gave up from being exhausted.

Christmas Eve - Took little man to work with me. I told him he was doing a good job and he said "Thanks Mommy, I really appreciate it!" He is too grown for his own good. Did the presents thing with half of the in-laws. Drank a bit of wine. Good night.

Christmas - Ran around two states after we woke up at 5:30 a.m. to do the whole Santa thing. Didn't get home until 10 p.m. Once home I had a beer and crashed. Little man got an electric guitar, easel, and tons of trucks. His favorite toy? Trucks. Not even the freaking guitar!!! That drives me insane.

Yesterday - Hit the sale at Target. Got tons of holiday stuff for next year half off. I got BEAUTIFUL silver plates that I absolutely love, holiday decor, gift bags, and let little man pick out some toys. He picked out a Cars set and a stuffed animal. Now his favorite is a stuffed animal. He has thanked me about 12 times for it and I love it. The mother-in-law and I decided to celebrate the end of Christmas with a bunch of champagne.

Today - I have to clean, my place looks like a wreck with all of the stuff we had to bring home. I have bathrooms to clean, laundry to do and grocery shopping to do. I think I may hold the grocery shopping off until tomorrow, I have some partying to do tonight. Hooray Vodka!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Janie's Got A Gun...Or Just Some Questions

Last week the hilarious Janie asked if anyone would like to participate in a Q&A, naturally I told her I was game. I like a good Q&A, makes the time go by and you get to learn a little more about someone. So without further ado, here it goes.

Janie: How would you describe a typical day in your life?

Me: I typically wake up around 5:30 to get myself and little man ready for work and school. Drop him off, go to work, pick him up, make dinner, clean, watch mindless TV then crash. Glamorous I know. On the weekends I take it easy and have people over on Sundays for football and appetizers.

Janie: What are you most grateful for?

Me: I am grateful for my fabulous hair (it truly is), my boys, Coca-Cola, chocolate covered pretzels, martinis, wine (boxed or bottled) and snow.

Janie: I notice you like the “storyteller” songwriters – what draws you to them? ( I love Lucinda Williams!)

Me: I think I am drawn that kind of songwriting because it makes you think about things more. Whether the song is about love, heartbreak, annoyances, I think it helps you relate better to the subject. One of my all time favorite songs is Those Three Days by Lucinda Williams. When she sings this song, you can hear the pain in her soul. You feel her pain with her and you just want to tell her that whoever did that to her was an asshole and that there are WAY better men out there.

Janie: Why did you start blogging?

Me: I wanted to know that I am not the only one that is stressing out for what my man says is no reason. I have so much going on in my head that I forget to write down or forget to talk about. And, I am too lazy to write in a journal. Even though I buy one every time I am in B&N because they are pretty and on sale, I never write anything but a to do list in them. And when the little man finds one laying around, a garden is mysteriously drawn on several pages.

Janie: Who do you love, and what are you doing about it?

Me: I love my man and our son. I learned never to take anything for granted, even time. I cherish every day that I have with them. If my son wants to read, then I read with him. If my man wants to take a spontaneous drive, then I go. Life isn't guaranteed. Anyone you know could go at anytime, so please just surround yourself with the people you love and don't be afraid to tell them. Even if they say you tell them to much, it's better than not telling them at all. And if vodka were a man, I might just marry him because I love him.

Janie: If there were a movie of your life, what would be the title?

Me: Hmmm, that is a good question. The mom/responsible side would be called "Not Enough Time To Do All Of This Shit So Do It Yourself: A Lesson In How To Get Your Kid To Pick Up His God Damned Socks And Stop Leaving Them In The Middle Of The Floor" and the wild side would be called "How To Have A Great Time And Not Vomit"

Janie: Tell us a neat story about that kiddo of yours.

Me: While potty training little man almost 3 years ago (he started early thank God!!!), we would not let him get off of the training potty until he did what he had to do. So to pass the time, little man would sing his heart out. One night, after a few minutes of hearing him sing, it got awfully quiet. Too quiet actually. You parents know what I am talking about. It was the quiet where you know your kid is up to know good. So my man and I go to check on him, little did we know what we would see. We opened the bathroom door and found that little man had in fact gone to the bathroom, #2 to be exact. He let us know this because he used it as finger paint on the side of the bathtub, toilet, training potty and walls. Thank goodness we had bleach because my man scooped him up to throw him in our bathtub while I cleaned up the mess. It was a horrible night. From then on he was supervised when going potty.

I hope you enjoyed this Q&A as much as I did. If you would like to participate in one, please send me an email and I will be glad to ask you some questions. And be sure to check out Janie, she is hilarious!!! I'll give you the weekend update tomorrow and I promise it won't disappoint. My son called me a "butt shaker" at the holiday party, we went for the drive through the Appalachians and the Steelers lost...until tomorrow.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Let the weekend begin...

I am officially off until Monday. Jealous? I thought so. The bad news? I am out of wine. And by out I mean out. Nada, zilch, zero.

Okay, right now I am watching LA Ink and I must say that Kat Von D is a whackadoo. She decorated Nikki Sixx's studio with fencing gear, a prosthetic leg, meat hooks, a gold spray painted baby and scissors. And guess what? He fucking LOVES it! I know Nikki is a weird dude. If you have ever read the books Heroin Diaries or The Dirt (which I highly recommend, especially if you love Intervention like I do), you know what I am talking about. But meat hooks? He saw them and said "You know, I was looking for some online the other day." Really? Who the fuck looks for meat hooks if they aren't running a butcher shop?

Anyways, my weekend has started and I have no wine. I have decided that I am not putting a tree up this year. I have decided to enjoy my weekend and not stress, even though this is the last weekend before Christmas. I am going to embrace the freedom.

So with that, my man and I are taking the boy on an off road adventure. We are going to hit a loop in the Appalachain mountains for a nice 3 hour ride. There will be a bunch of us going and there are plenty of places to stop and enjoy the scenery. Then that night we are going to a holiday party where I can get happy drunk. I hope your weekend will be stress free, may you get your shopping done and may you find some wine. I know I will.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bah Humbugh and the poor Ravens

For some reason, I am not a fan of the holidays this year. It may be because I have absolutely nothing done. I usually have our tree up the day after Thanksgiving along with all of the decorations. Ask me if I have done any of this...the answer is no. I only have the lighted garland up because it takes way less effort to do that then put up a whole tree. So since the box of decorations is open in our den, the kid has taken it upon himself to take things to decorate his room. So far he has stockings hung on his dresser, one of them is filled with pinecones and an empty candle box. He has lighted garland on top of his dresser. Garland around they door handles of his bedroom door and the closet doors. He has a wooden snowman in his window because he believes that Santa will be sure to see his friend and stop in. At least someone in the house has the holiday spirit. I have too much to get done and not enough time. Bah Humbugh.

Speaking of Bah Humbugh, I am sure that the Ravens fans are BITTER that the Steelers kicked their ass on Sunday. I personally laughed at our neighbors who earlier in the game, would come out to yell what the score was to the neighborhood. Once the Ravens started losing, they retreated into their homes and would not come out. I loved it.

One final note...if I am visibly in the middle of something, do not stand there and breathe heavily until I acknowledge you just so you can interrupt what I am doing to ask me 13,458 questions about something you have been doing longer than I have. Fuck off!!!! I do not do your job so how would I know how to do it better than you??? I need wine and it's only 10 a.m. I hate that feeling.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday funk

I am in a funk because it is after 6 on a Friday and I am just leaving work. All I have to say is a heavy handed bartender is in my future and maybe some dinner. Enjoy your weekend and Go Steelers!!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Throwback Thursday

This gem is circa 1992, courtesy of the El Paso PD. Nothing like some fake rap to reach the OG's. Enjoy.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The quest has a speed bump

In my quest to get my rocking hot body back, I have been eating healthier and exercising more. So far I have lost 12 pounds. I am not saying this to brag about how much I have accomplished so far so don't think that. Wait. Please think that. I am bragging. Beep beep bitches, I have lost 12 pounds. Only ** more to go. So in my quest, I have hit a speed bump. In the morning I like to have some OJ before leaving the house, then a protein bar once I get to work. I have eaten protein bars for at least 10 years and I love them, though the flavors are way better now than in 1998. So I have my bar this morning around 9ish. The day moves along normally, I run an errand at lunch, eat, get back to work and resume the day.

Flash forward to 2:00.

My stomach is making so much noise my coworker can hear it in her cube. She thinks I am hungry. I am not. I have cramps so bad that it feels like my stomach is going to burst. I sit at my desk clueless as to why I am feeling like this. I didn't have anything out of the ordinary to eat today. I am getting over a wicked head cold, but that's not it, I have had that for a week and if anything were to happen it would have happened days ago.

Suddenly I remember: I tried a new protein bar. New brand, new flavor, new everything. So I pick up the wrapper to see if there is anymore vitamins or anything different from the other kinds I eat. Nothing. Then I notice some fine print. Very fine print. I read it. It startles me yet I am enlightened as to why I am having digestive issues.

"WARNING: This product contains sugar alcohols, which may cause gastrointestinal discomfort. Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect."

Really? Okay, the print should be way bigger than fine for this little nugget of information. If I had known this, I would not have even thought about trying this at home, much less at work.

Today's lesson: Always have Tums in your desk.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Fuddruckers, bringing "fuckers" to the masses

Wednesday night was a fundraising night at Fuddruckers for the kid's school. We went even though we pay for him to go to this school. Why they have fundraisers, I am not sure, but all I knew was that I wouldn't be cooking dinner that night and that made me very happy. So we go as the happy little family we are. We order our food and then sit and wait for them to call our name when it's ready.

While we are waiting, I think I hear the guy say "Fuckers customer Bonnie, your food is ready." I tilt my head thinking that I could not have possibly heard him say fuckers, just said Fuddruckers fast, I just know it. My man sees the head tilt (I tend to do that while thinking) and says "Did you just hear that? It sounded like he said f-er" (we try not to curse around the kid). I say yes but clearly we heard him wrong. Besides, there is no possible way that he can get away with it twice and it just sounded like fucker because we have warped minds.

"Fuckers customer Nichols. Your food is ready"

Head tilt again, we both look at each other, laugh like we are 12 since mentally we are, then think how wrong it is that this guy is saying fucker in front of a ton of little kids. One of the mothers of a kid in his class came over to us and asked if we had heard what the guy was saying. Now it was confirmed. We said yes and she asked us if we thought it was as funny as she did. Of course we do! We live for stupid shit like this to happen. Innappropriate language? Check. Children hearing it? Check. The jackass is neither one of us? Check.

But don't worry. The kid didn't pick up on what the guy was saying, he just wanted to go play the arcade games.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

This will be me in Cancun come May

Puppet of terror

Don't hate me because I think that this is HILARIOUS!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Let the drinking begin

Well, with Thanksgiving here and gone, the holiday season has officially started. For me, this means that I have an excuse to drink more than I usually do. Scary, I know. The holidays are not my favorite time of year, too much traveling since half of my mans family lives in central PA, and too much time with noisy toys given to the kid by relatives who think it's hilarious.

After shopping Friday, I decided to treat myself to a little alone time while the kid was with relatives and my man was working in the garage. So my time consisted of drinking my beloved boxed wine and playing Tiger Woods golf on the 360. I created my own player and she totally rocks the pink outfit. I really suck at playing so I quickly turned it into a drinking game. For every bad shot, take a drink. Because of this I had a bottle and a half of wine and was drunk within an hour. Did I mention that all of this happened before 6 pm? Friday was a great day!

Saturday my bff and I decided to go to Ikea. I decided to get some new wine glasses since all of the ones I got last year from Crate & Barrel broke. So naturally, I got the ones that held the most wine. I simply can not be bothered walking the 10 steps to the kitchen to refill. So there we were waiting to get onto the elevator with our cart when we spied shiny wine racks that we decided we had to have. Now. We were the first ones at the elevator and then a crowd gathered to get on it. The doors opened and not one person let us get on first. They all crowded into it and the old man had the nerve to wave to us as the doors shut! What the fuck? I know the elevator holds only 6 people or two people and a cart but still. Let the people that were waiting first get on the damn thing!!!!!!!! I don't care how old you are, wait your fucking turn!

If all of this happened in the first two days of the holiday season, I am going to need more wine to survive the rest...