Scene 1: Stupid Cat
Setting: Me on the phone in my living room
Situation: While talking on the phone, the cat sticks his head into the gas fireplace directly OVER the pilot light and almost catches himself on fire.
Resolution: Cat now has singed whiskers and patch. Betcha that dumb ass learned a lesson.
Scene 2: Disgusting People
Setting: Me sitting in traffic on the way home, checked my rear view mirror while stopped
Situation: Husband and wife in hybrid car behind me, wife has arms up and is holding headrest. The husband then takes his hands and starts DIGGING into her pits like a monkey picking bugs out of another head. the husband then proceeds to pick stuff out then I see him YANKING things out of her pits.
Resolution: Tried getting a picture but almost puked. Proceeded to call the girls and my man to tell him what I just witnessed.
Gay Things My Man Says
Now to the good stuff. While in the kitchen the other night my man tells me he is out of sunscreen. So I tell him we have that water babies stuff that has a pump sprayer and has a high SPF. He then tells me that he hates that because you have to rub it in and when he puts it on his face "it really seems to clog his pores and his face can't breathe."
Last night we were watching the movie "Kingpin." Classic, I know. There is a scene in the movie where Woody Harrelson's character has a guy pretend to rob his landlord so he can get out of paying this months rent. you see the robber for about 10 seconds and maybe see his face for 2, for God's sakes he is wearing a hoodie. So my man turns to me and says the greatest words ever: "Wasn't that Stanford?" It in fact was Stanford from Sex and the City playing the robber. It just made me love him more!